The Deep End.

I’m in the deep end
the deep end of the water
right out here in the vast
where I asked You to be

So what is this tantrum
so full and slow building
I’ve not seen the likes of
since I was but three

I asked You for this
this deep end of the water
I asked You to leave all that
kids’ stuff behind

And now as the land is so
far in the distance
I wonder if I was right
out of my mind

It’s cold here and dark
and sometimes I’m afraid
that the choices I’ve made
are but childish at best

The waves just keep coming
sometimes without stopping
I’m tired oh so weary
and just long for some rest

Did You bring me out here just to
show me my weakness
agree to my plea for a life
meaning more

Did You want me to realize
the poor stuff that I’m made of
the most I should hope for
a life on the shore

I asked You for faith so You
pulled me out deeper
and reckless I followed
in spite of my fear

For it looked so delightful
out there in the open
to swim with You only
way out there in the clear

But my arms are so weak
and my legs tire quickly
my disloyal heart longs
for the kiddy pool

I don’t think this is how
I imagined it happening
out here all alone
all alone like a fool

I thought I’d be braver
when my turn it came
the waves and the current
and the terrible storm

But my tears mix with sorrow
as I bob along choking
one wave after ‘nother
thrashing my broken form

Did You call me out here
way out here in the deep end
to see if I’d fold
if I’d fail after all

Well here I am drowning
in front of Your shadow
I’m sure no surprise
no surprise after all

But what is this siren
I hear in my ear
so compelling and sweet
and so perfectly vile

Give up and give in and
He won’t even miss you
you’ve been all alone
such a very long while

I know you are lying
I shout toward the darkness
and choke just as sudden
on a bitter wave

I refuse to go down with
your voice in my ear
even if this is the moment
I enter my grave

For I asked Him for faith
and He pulled me out deeper
oh so many fine days we’ve
shared here just us two

And for nothing, for nothing would I trade
even these rough dark waters
though our days here together
have been dreadfully few

If this is the storm
long appointed to take me
the one long ago with my name
at its’ heart

Then with joy I will go
out there oh so much deeper
to be with Him only
and no longer apart

But if this is not
that most bittersweet day
then I’ll dig in and hold tight
and take one more deep breath

Because if it is not
the waves’ size does not matter
it cannot o’ercome me
though it may feel like death

And sooner or later
He’ll show up as always
more often than not
already unseen at my side

And we’ll turn toward the wave
and we’ll hold fast together
and we’ll prepare ourselves
for another wild ride

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